the crash
by UESGURL
Summary: its a year and a half after jenny moved to Hudson, she's not coming back. that is until a car accident turns her entire world upside down, landing her in the hospital. how will everyone react, and what will happen between jenny an nate, if she even lives... I OWN NOTHING BUT THE PLOT AND ANY OC'S. based off the song make me wanna die
1. car crash

chapter 1 jenny Pov

I looked down at my phone. I had so many unread text messages from Dan and Dad. I ignored them all. I wasn't mad at Dan, he forgave me. but I was super mad at Rufus, yes I call him Rufus, he is not my dad. he lost that right when he decided that he could just ship me off when things got bad. I remember in my freshman year what he said to me. he had said that he would always love me, and that no matter what happened, I could always come home. he lied. I looked at my new appearance. poker straight platinum blonde hair that went past my hips, dark, but pretty eye makeup.( jenny dressed like blair, and never died her hair) I wore a pair of silver 3 inch platform 6 inch heels. or should I say ''hooker heels''. a pair of white skinny jeans and a white crop top. it was Friday night and there was nothing to do in Hudson. I was popular in school, but only because I was feared. I rise from my bed and walk down the stairs to see my mom in the kitchen.

''hey mom, do you want to go out and get some frozen yogurt?'' I looked at my mom with hopeful eyes.

'' sure, it's a little late, but why not''

she smiled. I don't know what I would do without my mother. she had a warm smile and a gentle laugh. I cant believe that I actually lived with two guys for 2 years. I can actually bond with my mom more than I could with my dad. I smile as I get in the passenger seat. I had been living in Hudson for about a year and a half. I have changed a-lot since then. instead of being sneaky and vindictive, I was nice, but cold at the same time. as we were driving down the road I saw lightning flashing vigorously. my mom smirked at me as I looked out the window excitedly. I had always loved thunderstorms. the relaxing feel of the rain pouring on my skin, the happiness whenever I hear a clap of thunder, or see a luminescent flash of lightning. my moms words snapped me out of my thoughts'' Jennifer Humphrey put your seatbelt on right now'' I sighed, I never liked seatbelts.

'' but mom I-'' I was cut off by a large impact of our car flipping over many times, I hit my head against the side many times, each time the car flipped, the pain intensified. the car finally stopped flipping, but I couldn't move. then another car hit us, sending me flying through the windshield. as I lied in the street motionless, the rain started to pour down on her. And for the first time, the rain felt painful.

* * *

meanwhile back in UES nobody's pov

Eric, Serena, Blair, Chuck, Nate, and Dan were all gathered in the loft. they were all reeling over the conversation that they had. then Dan spoke up '' so jenny is un-banished?'' both Serena and Blair nodded. '' what jenny did was terrible, but throwing her out of the city away from her family, that's even worse. technically she is my sister, and a sister always forgives, because were family.'' Serena said, chuck and Nate nodded '' I agree'' chuck replied. Nate stared blankly he would be able to see jenny again. Everyone knew that he still loves her, it's no secret now. has she changed, has she stopped shopping at Chanel and dressing like blair? Nate thought.

an hour passes and none of the 6 people sitting in the room have been able to get a hold of jenny. '' so you haven't heard from jenny at all since she left?" Eric asked. Dan nodded

''not a word, but honestly I don't blame her, we sent her away. everyone nodded. then the house phone rang. Serena was the first to get to it. ''put it on speaker phone'' Nate urged. Serena nodded and pressed the speaker button '' hello?" she asked.

**_hello this is the Hudson hospital, I am calling about Jennifer Humphrey and Allison Humphrey._**everyone's head shot up to the phone '' continue'' Serena said, her voice slightly shaking.

**_well, I regret to inform you that they have been in a major car accident and I regret to inform you that miss Alison didn't make it._**Dan's eyes welled with tears. his mom was dead. Nate put an arm on Dan's shoulder. '' what about jenny, is she ok''

**_ when the first car hit, their vehicle had flipped many times, when it stopped flipping another car hit them, sending jenny to fly straight through the windshield, when we arrived at the scene, she was in fact dead, but we were able to revive her. she is in very critical condition-_******but before she could finish, Serena hung up the phone and grabbed her coat, ''lets go'' she said.

on the Bass jet Dan decided that he had to call their father to tell him what happened. he dialed the familiar number. '' hey dad, theres been an accident''


	2. hospital

Chapter 2 DAN POV 9 hours later

I look around the waiting room. Dad is the only one who is remotely calm. Chuck and Blair just look hollowed out, like a shell. Erik and Serena are red eyed and sniffling. But Nate looks the worst. Bags under his eyes, red eyes. And we all know why. He likes jenny. He even asked me. If I was gossip girl, why did react so badly and surprised about him and Jenny. I looked at him and replied " because I wanted to see you fight for her, which you did not do" that was about six months ago. And ever since, he has been trying to get info about jenny from me, but in all honesty, I HAVNT heard from jenny since she left.

A doctor comes out holding three bags. When he approaches us we all stand up. " Jennifer is still in surgery, but I have a bag of her clothes, jewelry, and her purse." He hands the three items to Serena. She looks up at him " thank you" the doctor nods and briskly walks away. " do we look inside, maybe we can figure out what she's like by her stuff?" Erik asks. We all nod. I pick up the bag with her clothes, Serena picks up her jewelry bag, and chuck picks up her purse. " are you sure that you want to go through her stuff?" Dad asks. I nod. " fine, but I don't want jenny yelling at me, so I'm gonna go get coffee."

I go first and pull out a pair of grey ripped shorts. " well I guess little j gave up on designer" Blair adds.

I nod. " that's good" then I pull out a white ruffled crop top with splatters of red. " and there's not so good" but what I pull out next is not expected by anyone. VERY high platformed heels..."stripper shoes?" Nate asked. I nodded, still in shock. Serena came up next to me and patted my back and smirked.

" ate least they're not jimmy choo's" everyone couldn't help but smile.

Serena goes next. She pulls out some knuckle rings that are just silver bands, she then pulls out a full finger ring. "Cute" she praises. She then pulled out a bunch of black and silver bangles. " so she likes dark things" chuck replied. we all nodded. Then Serena pulled out a whole bunch of crosses stringed on a necklace.

Nate is the first to recover " uhh... Is she prep airing for the antichrist or something, I mean what's with all of the crosses"

"Yeah, that's pretty wierd, I'm gonna ask her about this when she wakes up"

next was chuck. " I have a box of platinum white blonde hair dye, black kohl eyeliner, sparkled silver eyeliner, grey,black, and red eyeshadow. Dude she's a badass"

" jenny died her hair, it's a shame I really liked it" Serena said with sadness in her voice. " yeah it is" Nate agrees.

Five minuets later dad comes back coffee in hand . " so, now that you have finished snooping in you sisters stuff, what have you found?"

Chuck is the first to reply. " lots of dark makeup, badass clothes and..." Chuck starts as he reaches into the purse and pulls out two handfuls of receipts he takes multiple and looks sat them " receipts for Victoria's Secret" he smirks. That was followed by awkward silence

NJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJN

3 hours later dan pov

Finally after 12 hours we get some news

Nate is the first one to notice the doctor, well considering he was the only one to be awake.

"Wake up!" He shouted. We all jumped up.

" what's the news" dad and I asked at the same time. Serena, Nate, and Blair looked very anxious. But chick remained cool.

Then the doctor started talking. " well, as you know, miss humphrey suffered several impacts. She broke six of her ribs, 4 on the right side and 3 on the left. She has a crack in her spine. Now for the bad news."Then Nate interrupted him. " I thought that was the bad news" the doctor looked sympathetic " that was the good news there is bad news, then worse news." They all stared

" as I was saying, the bad news is that when she went flying through the windshield she got many scratches on her. From the left bottom of her jaw to her left collarbone and chest,there will be a deep red scar, it would look like a cracked porcelain doll." Serena let out a choked sob and cried onto Blair's shoulder, who was silently crying.

Chuck walks up and calmly but strongly replies " what's the worse news" it gets really quiet. " from right above the knee down to her foot was mangled, right above the knee glass sliced right through. We were able to save her leg, but she will need many months of physical therapy to be able to use that leg. She also received massive head trauma, so she should not be around very loud noises and bright light or she will get dizzy. And finally, many very long shards of glass stabbed right through her abdomen, so she shouldn't walk, or start physical therapy for a while.

Everyone gasps. " oh my god, jenny" Erik whispers.

"When can we go see her?" I ask.

" you can all go now, she's still unconscious but she will wake up, she's in room 1137 in the icu." We all nod and walk up to the room.

They all looks at her. She had many injuries and looked terrible. I look at her hair, it fanned out on both sides, brushing the bottom of the floor. " I guess she decided to grow out her hair" I said. Which earned a few choked laughs. Dad walked up to me and put a hand on my shoulder " she will be alright" I nodded.

Then chuck whispered, " she's waking up" we all rushed to the hospital bed. Her bright blue eyes opened, she looked around for a moment, then looked confused. " you were in a car crash. " dad spoke up.

" I know what happened, I'm just curious to why chuck, Blair, and especially Serena...and nate are here"

Then Nate speaks up. " because we care about you, no matter what you do. What you did was a long time ago, and were family" " and family sticks together, through thick or thin" Serena adds. Jenny smiles and nods

" I don't want to be mean or anything, but where's mom, I got the worse of the impact" jenny said with a smile, even though she filched cause of her ribs. I look at dad for help. He comes to my rescue.

" jenny, I'm so sorry, but your mother didn't survive the crash"

Jenny looks at me, then the rest of us, she's not crying. She just looks empty.

" get out please" she says, her voice distant. I am about to oblige but dad puts a hand on my shoulder indicating that we should give her time.

**so what did you think, sorry I don't write at a super great level I'm just 14, but R&amp;R please thanks.**

** Xoxo Zoe **


	3. home

1 month later Serena pov.

This past month has been hectic. We had all gotten hotel rooms here because jenny was still in the hospital. I guess I can't be mad at her anymore. I mean, I was ion the hospital for about a week when she drugged me, but now she's been in the hospital for a month. She even had to miss her mothers funeral three weeks ago. The day had started off fine but then something happened.

Flashback

I tried not to gasp as I saw jenny struggle out of the hospital gown she was wearing. She had a wrap wrapped around her Che's because the broken ribs don't allow her to wear a bra. I took her hand and pulled out the long black dress I ran out and bought. " thanks for the dress" " no problem" I reply"

All of the sudden machines start beeping and jenny falls to the ground. " jenny!" I yell as I kneel beside her shaking body. The next Minuit is all a blur and the next thin I know I'm standing in the waiting room with everyone looking at me. " what happened!" Dan said very worried. " she had a seizure" I reply looking in the distance.

Present time.

so far jenny will only let dan and I see her. I _kind_ of understand why she won't let anyone see her. But today is the day that she will be released, the day she will return to the upper east side. The day that gossip girl will see us for the first time in a month. Then my phone dinged.

"Gossip girl here, it seems like the whole UES gang has gone Mia for a month. Where have they been, when will they come back. And what does a certain little blonde have to do with we all know that her mother is dead, so now she has to come back, this will be interesting.

you know you love me. Xoxo

gossip girl."

then there was a picture of Alison's funeral. I look up at everyone who has the same reaction as me. " can't gossip girl just leave us alone" Blair groans. " I couldn't help but to give a small smile. " by the way, why can't Jennifer just let us see her, I mean we flew all this way" chuck complained, I could hear a groan of agreement from Nate. " I don't know, but you will all get to see her back home"

6 hours later in the vanderbass house Nate, chuck, Rufus, Serena, Blair, and lily were waiting for dan and jenny, who had taken the train much to Jenny's request. So unfortunately they hadn't gotten a chance to see jenny. It was all over gossip girl though. The fact that jenny was home, in a wheelchair was the top story, right next to us coming back as well. Before jenny was discharged she had asked me to help remove the bandaged that were over her right jaw, chest and shoulder. And I did. Let me tell you it was Bad. She had stitches all over her chest jaw and shoulder, some on her neck. But jenny was able to hide them with a jacket and a scarf.

When I heard the elevator ding everyone stopped talking and turned around. Then came out dan pushing a very tired and bruised jenny. Lily walks up to her. " darling I set you up a room on this floor since you can't go upstairs" mom said as she handed jenny her purse. She nodded "thanks" she mumbles as she rolled herself to her room.

Jenny pov

I slowly stand up and hop on one foot to the dresser, Blair had sent some of my clothes, but I would have to go back to Hudson and get the rest some other time. I pull out a pair of tiny fishnets with black lace designs, some black shoarts, and a dark purple tank top. I look in the mirror at the stitches that cover my lower jaw,neck,shoulder, and chest on the right side, they will see them anyway, no use in covering them up with clothes. I put on my dark red lip stain, then my copper and crimson red eyeshadow. I then top it off with some bangles, and some gold necklaces with a silver cross.

I hop back into my wheelchair and sit. I sigh, I vowed to never come back here, I can't let it change me. I go into the kitchen where I can smell Rufus's chili. When I roll into the kitchen everyone goes quiet and stares at me, I can tell they are trying to not ask questions. " ok seriously, stop staring at me like I am a science experiment, if you want to ask questions just ask them'' I snap

Sadly nate is the first to , god I missed him but despite what I did, when I needed him most, he wasn't there. Then I hear his voice. " I don't mean to sound rude, but we didn't think that you would look this bad, I mean with the stitches." I shoot an icy glare at him, and I swear I saw him flinch." Well that's what happens when you fly through a windshield." They all just look at me like I have just grown three heads. "What?" I say. " how can you just be so casual about this." Dan adds. " well there is nothing I can do, the only thing is to move forward, and that's what I'm doing, I'm going to go take a nap, I'm exhausted" I spit back as I go to my room.

Nate pov.

I look at jenny, it hurts to see her so broken. Lily and Rufus go upstairs, Then Blair speaks up.

" so, I noticed that little j has been looking like a goth Barbie, so when I got some of her clothes I decided to snoop around a bit an-" she was interrupted by Serena. " really Blair, that's an invasion of privacy"

" anyways" Blair starts again, and I get a feeling of uneasiness. " I found some song lyrics that jenny has written BEFORE the crash, and I am kind of worried." " what are the lyrics" dan pushes Blair nods as she starts to read them

Little girl terrified

She'd leave her room if only bruises would heal

A home is no place to hide

Her heart is breaking from the pain that she feels

_[CHORUS]_

Every day's the same

She fights to find her way

She hurts, she breaks, she hides, and tries to pray

She wonders why, does anyone ever hear her when she cries?

Today she's turning sixteen

Everyone's singing, but she can't seem to smile

They never get past arms length

How could they act like everything is alright?

Pulling down her long sleeves

To cover all the memories the scars leave

She says, "Maybe making me bleed

will be the answer that could wash the slate clean."

_[CHORUS]_

This is the dark before the dawn

The storm before the peace

Don't be afraid 'cause seasons change and

God is watching over you

He hears you

Every day's the same

She fights to find her way

She hurts, she breaks, she hides, and tries to pray

She'll be just fine, 'cause I know he hears her when she cries

Every day's the same

She fights to find her way

She hurts, she breaks, she hides, and tries to pray

She'll be just fine, 'cause I know he hears her when she cries

She'll be just fine, 'cause I know he hears her when she cries

" yeah, those lyrics are starting to worry me to" I reply afraid that jenny will do something stupid.

" I will have people look into it, but for now, it's our job to look after her" chuck replies. We all nod

3 weeks later ( sorry after this I will stop doing big time jumps) j pov

I have had physical therapy for my leg, and if can walk for the most part, just not long distances. I haven't left the penthouse at all. People come and visit, I put on a big fake smile as usual, I am an illusionist. But whenever Nate comes, I make some excuse to go to my room.

I look at the old pink scars that cover my wrists, no matter if that was two months ago, they still show, and I always cover them up with bracelets. I look at a tiny piece of glass from a snow globe that broke earlier today, then I remember a line from a song I wrote. 'Maybe making me bleed, will be the answer to wipe this slate clean' I smile as I walk over and pick it up and press it against my wrist then pull it across. I mile as I watch the scarlet red slowly drip down my arm and a couple droplets dorm to the bathroom tiled floor. And for once, I finally feel something other than pain and emptiness.

Hey guys sorry for not writing, school has started up. But please R&amp;R. I don't own gossip girl or the song when she cries by Britt Nichole


	4. Jenny has brown hair? somethings wrong

jenny pov

I knew that cutting again wasn't the best idea, I mean, what would my mom say, what would my therapist who is back in Hudson say. there I a lot of stuff that went on in the past year and a half that my mom didn't tell Rufus. How when a came to my mothers I was a shell for 8 months, I didn't go to school for my junior year. but mom didn't tell Rufus that either. after 4 months I actually went to school, got into fashion again, and then started to wear dark clothing. after six months the crash happened. and here I am two months later.

I slowly stand up from the bathroom floor, my knees cracking as I do so because of the position I was sitting in and how long I was sitting. I walk o the closet and pull out some gauze and wrap it around my wrist. when I am done I slowly walk to my bed, I put on my night slip, then get into my bed.

As I close my eyes I think about how everything went wrong, right before my freshman year, how I was so innocent. I would never do anything to purposely upset someone, never defy my father deliberately, but I did. I became someone I was not, then I changed again, to who I am now, dark, vindictive and have a frozen heart. I haven't let any emotion show. And I don't plan too. then I slowly drift off to sleep.

xxxxxxxx next morning xxxxxxxx

I yawn and rub my eyes as the sun blares in my eyes, I look over to the clock to see that its 9:30. I get off of the bed and walk to my dresser. I pull out a pair of light blur shorts and a grey double scoop tank top. I apply my makeup and cover up, its hard to find cover up for me because my skin is so pale. I put on some crosses and pull on a pair of dark purple strappy 3 inch wedges. finally I grab a bunch of bangles and put them on to cover up my wrists. I haven't been put of the house yet which is killing me, and since no one is home, I'm going out to go get some more makeup and bracelets.

I walk out of my room and grab my purse. I pass a mirror as I do so. the cracked scar cant be covered up, no matter how much I have tried. I walk to the elevator and press the button, and then Nate walks out of the elevator. crap. he looks surprised. he looks at my bag. " jenny what are you doing, you know that you shouldn't leave the house" I just look at him, this is the first time we have spoken to each other since I came home.

" As you can tell I'm going out, I cant stay in the house for so long" I snap looking at him. I can see him flinch slightly. " jenny I know that we haven't actually spoken in two and a half years but I kno-'' anger surged through me " no, you don't know. You don't know the first thing about me, you know me as Dan's little sister, that's it.'' I snap as I walk in the elevator, and as the doors shut, I see the last gimps of a very sad Archibald.

I spent the whole day going shopping, Rufus and Dan are probably wondering where I am, as I am about to hail a cab I see a building. it's a hair salon. I look across the street, them walk towards it. As I walk in I am greeted by a girl with red hair. " hello, what would you like me to do for you today" she says in an all to perky voice. I try my hardest not to roll my eyes. Can you cut my hair so it's right at the bottom of my ribcage...'' I hesitate before I speak again " and I would like you do dye it dark brown'' she smiles and gets to work on cutting my hair. the one thing that no one knows except for my family is hat up until the age of thirteen, my hair was naturally brown, then I dyed it before I came to live with my dad.

An hour an a half I am walking out of the salon, then I get a call from Rufus. sighing I pick up the phone. " hey dad'' " hey, where are you?" I smirk, I know this will make him happy, I mean if we are going to live with him, I might as well not be a bitch. '' well, I just got out of the hair salon'' I he pauses. " why?" he asks hesitantly. '' well I got a haircut and dyed my hair to my original, original hair color'' then I hang up.

15 minuets later I walk into the penthouse to be greeted by Dan running up and hugging me. " I am so happy that you decided to dye your hair back, it looks great'' he replies really fast. I laugh and smile. Serena walks by us sipping on a glass of water, when she sees me she starts choking on her water. " why did you die your hair. I sigh, I don't want to explain it like seven times so I motion her to follow me into the kitchen where everyone is, we are suppose to have a dinner tonight so they are all here. Dad is the first to see me and he smiles, then everyone else looks over their eyes immediately widen. I smirk. " before anyone says anything, my original hair color is brown and I just dyed it back'' they nod in understanding " well I think that it looks just lovely'' Lily says smiling. I just smile back. Then we sit down and eat.

Rufus pov

after dinner is done we are all sitting in the living room, Blair is telling a story about something stupid that Nate did, and he just complains as chuck smiles and laughs. I am interrupted by the phone ringing. " hello" I say as I pick the phone up. " hello, I am sorry that it has taken me so long to call, but I have just heard the news, how is he mental stability of your daughter." I a confused by this conversation. "what do you mean and who are you" I ask suspiciously, by now everyone is looking at me curiously. " I am doctor steinferd, your daughters therapist... your ex wife never told you did she" the woman asks gently, now I am looking at jenny who looks frozen, like she knows who is on the phone. "no, what's going on" I demand. she hesitates before speaking. " I called because when your daughter arrived in Hudson she was very depressed, she had a cutting problem and had bulimia" I cant believe a word that she is saying, jennt would never do this, she is smarter than that.

" and I am also sorry to tell you that she has tried to commit suicide twice in the first 8 months that jenny was living there an-'' I hang up the phone and look at jenny. she knows who was on the phone she looks at me and I can see tears brim her eyes and she runs upstairs to her room. I am about to follow, but Erik beats me to it, and follows her up to her room..

OK GUYS IN THE LAST CHAPTER I MADE A MISTAKE, WHEN THEY GET A BLAST FROM GOSSIP GIRL THT DOESNT HAPPEN BECAUSE GOSSIP GIRL WAS ALREADY REVEALED.


	5. Agnes is back

jenny pov.

After an hour of Eric trying to get me to tell him what's wrong he finally went back downstairs, knowing that his trying was futile. I feel too numb to move, Rufus knows, which means that lily will know, which will mean Serena will know, who will tell Blair, then she will tell chuck, then Nate. OH GOD NATE! he will flip shit when he finds out, he has always had this weird thing that he always had to protect me from the littlest of things, even when I was ever the slightest bit upset, he would get worried. imagine what he would do if he found out tat I slit my wrist once to try and kill myself, then took 14 oxycodone pills to try again 3 months later, not to mention the eating disorder. which I still haven't fully recovered from. I get up from my bed and step on the scale that's in my attaching bathroom, 103.6, too much. I feel numb, I need to feel something, then an idea strikes me. its 10 pm and everyone is still hanging out and laughing downstairs. I pick up my phone and dial a slightly familiar number.

Hey Agnes, its jenny.

NJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJ

I'm standing on the street corner waiting for Agnes, I am wearing a blood red dress that merely passes my butt, it pushes up my large boobs to show a lot of cleavage, it has a 6 inch see-through stripe that goes up both sides of the dress, allowing you to see part of my underwear. I have on a pair of striper heals and my garters, not to mention my dark makeup.

" hey, bitch!" I turn around to see Agnes, who is dressed just as slutty as me, walking my way and smiling. she wraps her arm around my shoulder, " IT HAS FINALLY HAPPENED, LITTLE J HAS GONE BAD" we both laugh and walk inside the bar, with intentions of getting so drunk that we wont even know our names by the end of the night. When we walk in many heads immediately turn our way, identifying how sexy we look. we both walk up to the bar, ive never been inside one, so I don't know what to order. " 2 tequilas please" Agnes says without any hesitation, like anyone's gonna card us. When he sets them down in front of us Agnes looks at me, " now before you drink this, might I warn you, its a very strong alcohol that will possibly burn your throat" I just smirk, ive had tequila before. I take the shot and immediately down it, Agnes's face is first surprised then she smiles " Damn Humphrey, I think this is the start of a beautiful friendship, again. we just both laugh as Agnes takes her shot and we get more of various types of alcohol that I don't bother or remember the name of.

Dan Pov.

Its already 11:30 and Jenny still hasn't come beck downstairs, I look over at everyone. " hey, I'm gonna go check on Jenny" they all nod. As I near jenny's door, I feel like something is wrong. I push open the door to be greeted with clothes strewn all over the floor, I walk over to her closet and notice a pair of heel missing from her row_s_ of heels, and an empty dress bag on her bed. dark red lipstick, eyeliner, concealer, and eye shadow and mascara on her dresser. that only means one thing, she went out, how did she get out without any of us noticing. I get my phone out of my packet and dial her number, and just my luck, it starts ringing on her bed. I hang up my phone and grab jenny's. I go to her recent calls and my blood runs cold when I see the last person that she called

Agnes Andrews. _Oh shit._

Still carrying Jenny's phone, I run down the stairs as fast as I can, startling everyone, dad and Lily and Eric went to bed earlier, so its just the gang. " Jenny's gone!" I rasp out. everyone immediately stands up, asking questions Blair and Serena are frantic, but Chuck and Nate stay cool and collected, even though they are both just as worries as the others. " her phone was on her bed, along with an empty dress bag, with her makeup out and a pair of heels missing, and the last person she called was that model Agnes." everyone scowled, remembering Agnes, but Nate seems to be affected the most, which questions me, he sees the look im giving him and speaks up. " when Rufus took jenny to work at Eleanor's 'pop up fashion show" a couple years ago, she had Agnes as jenny's model, Agnes wanted to get jenny back for what happened the year before that, so she put 3 pills in jenny's Champaign, then left her at a bar full of men, but luckily she was barely sober enough to answer her phone, and I was able do get her" my eyes widen, why would she do that. all I can feel is anger. " oh my god" Serena gasps. " that vindictive bitch" Blair manages out of her mouth. And Chuck just looks too angry to speak. Nate and Chuck will pair up, then Serena, Blair and I will pair up. we have to find jenny.

Jenny pov.

"come on jenny I have heard your voice before and its amazing. please" Agnes begs me, I sigh. " fine, and I know exactly what song to sing" I smirk, her eyes widen a little and she breaks into a smile. " is it that song you were working on when you were living with me that you never let me hear or see?" I smile and nod. " yes!" she cheers as I walk on stage.

_Somebody mixed my medicine_  
_Somebody mixed my medicine_

_You hurt where you sleep_  
_And you sleep where you lie_  
_Now you're in deep and_  
_now you're gonna cry_  
_You got a woman to the left_  
_and a boy to the right_  
_Start to sweat so hold me tight_

_Somebody mixed my medicine_  
_I don't know what I'm on_  
_Somebody mixed my medicine_  
_But baby it's all gone_  
_Somebody mixed my medicine_  
_Somebody's in my head again_  
_Somebody mixed my medicine again, again_

_I'll drink what you leak_  
_And I'll smoke what you sigh_  
_Straight across the room with a look in your eye_  
_I got a man to the left and a girl to the right_  
_Start to sweat so hold me tight_

_Somebody mixed my medicine_  
_I don't know what I'm on_  
_Somebody mixed my medicine_  
_But baby it's all gone_  
_Somebody mixed my medicine_  
_Somebody's in my head again_  
_Somebody mixed my medicine again, again_

_There's a tiger in the room_  
_and a baby in the closet_  
_Pour another drink mom_  
_I don't even want it_  
_Then I turn around and think I see_  
_someone that looks like you_

_You hurt where you sleep_  
_You sleep where you lie_  
_Now you're in deep and_  
_now you're gonna cry_  
_You got a woman to the left_  
_and a boy to the right_  
_Start to sweat so hold me tight_

_Somebody mixed my medicine_  
_I don't know what I'm on_  
_Somebody mixed my medicine_  
_But baby it's all gone_  
_Somebody mixed my medicine_  
_Somebody's in my head again_  
_Somebody mixed my medicine_  
_again [x8]_

_Somebody mixed my medicine [x3]_  
_Somebody's in my head again_  
_Somebody mixed my medicine_  
_again _

The crowd claps and I run to Agnes blushing, " are you happy?" I laugh. " are you kidding?! that was fucking amazing" I smile and order a whole bunch more tequila shots, then a man in a suit walks u to us. " hello, I'm Mark,I work in the music industry, and I would like to sign you, let me know within 14 days if you would like to join" he smiles I nod, too much in shock. When he leaves Agnes and I look at eachother and start jumping up and down

45 minutes later and 6 shots (each) 11 in total. later

Agnes looks at me. " do you know what we should do!?" she exclaims. " get piercings" I add. she smiles and we walk out of the bar, and to a tattoo shop ( I think they also do piercings) we slap all of the money that was the drinks on the table and run out of the bar. the last thing I remember is Agnes and I getting our piercings, I don't remember where, or how many. the rest is a huge blur.

Chuck Pov.

" do you think we will be able to find her in All of manhattan?" Nate asks again. I sigh " you really love her don't you, and don't try to deny it." I hear him mumble something incoherent. I smirk " I have loved her for a long time, but after the snowflake ball, I said such hurtful things to her, then shut her out of my life completely, she seems so broken and alone, and I want to be the one to fix her, because I love her, and im not afraid to admit it, or afraid of what Dan will do anymore" he finally admits. I smile " your right, she is broken and lonely, I was able to get her medical records a month back, and they aren't pretty, she is broken, far more worse than any of us can imagine, the truth will come out some day, but I don't think she is ready for that, I don't think **we **are ready for that, plus I suspect that she is still going through the same problem. And I don't think that any of her family can fix her, only you" I reply, Nathanial looks stricken " what happened to jenny" he asks nervous " all in good time" I say.

Nate Pov.

I finally admitted it, finally admitted that I love her, but I still want to know what is on her medical records. My thoughts were interrupted my Chucks shrill voice. " stop the car!" the limo stops and we hop out to see two brunettes stumbling, drunk as fuck. " what the hell is Jennifer wearing" I look at her outfit, immediately feeling protected... and kind of turned on. and... oh hell, she's wearing garters. I grab jenny by the wrist and start leading her in the limo, much t her protests. " LET GO OF ME" she shouts, and Agnes starts to shout, but then her resisting starts to slow as she passes out. I set her in the limo and look at Agnes who is about to pass out. " we cant just leave her" I say looking at Chuck, he sighs " ill bring her in"

5 Minutes later we are driving back to the Van Der Woodsen/Humphrey penthouse. I take out my phone and dial Serena. " did you find her" I hear in her frantic voice. " yes, we found her and Agnes stumbling along the side of the road, we are bringing them both home" " ugh why are you bringing _**her **_back with you" Blair scoffs, referring to Agnes " because she is Jenny's 'friend' and we are good people" I say then hang up

by the time that we drive up to the penthouse both of them have regained just a little consciousness, I have jenny leaning on me, mumbling things as we go up the elevator, same for Agnes with Chuck. when we walk in Serena, Blair, and Dan immediately stand up. " oh my god, my little sister" Dan says as we lead both girls up the stairs to Jenny's room. as soon as we put them both into bed, taking off their shoes. as we walk down the stairs I look at the rest of the group. we decide that its time to call it a night. we all want to stay so we can interrogate jenny and Agnes in the morning, so serena and Dan share a bed, Blair and Chuck share a bed, and I get the guest bedroom.

Jenny Pov, next morning

I groan as Agnes nudges my shoulder, " jenny I think we did something stupid last night" I rack my brain, only to be meted with no memories of last night, which worries me even more. I suddenly get up out of bed, Agnes following. We walk up to the mirror, " shit" Agnes exclaims as she lifts her shirt to see a quoted tattoo on her hip, and I laugh, she shoots me a look. " this isn't funny" but when I lift up my shirt I almost scream, and Agnes gasps as she covers her mouth to prevent laughing. both the top and bottom of my bellybutton is pireced, and both of my hipbones, I have a tiny blue star tattoo right under my right boob that's maybe 1/3 inch big, then a quote that says " live fast die young, bad girls do it well" in a cursive fancy handwriting on my left ribcage. " how am I going to explain this" I breath Agnes just starts to laugh. " its funny, we both know how to hold our liquor very well, so we both don't have hangovers" I reply, she just smiles " I know, isn't it great" I grab 2 of tans large t-shirt, one for me, and on for Agnes, we slip them on and go downstairs, we don't put on pants cuz, they go mid-thigh. " time to face everyone" I wearily say looking at Agnes. " we are both so screwed" " I know" then we walk into the kitchen where everyone is waiting, drinking coffee.

** _I HOPE YOU LIKED THE CHAPTER, PLEASE R&amp;R._**

**_XOXO ZOE_**


	6. She will be loved

Jenny pov.

.

.

.

.

I KNOW, I KNOW. IM A HORRIBLE PERSON FOR NOT UPDATING FOR MONTHS. But please forgive me.

...

This day was hectic to say the least. Lots of yelling by dan and Nate quietly staring at me from the corner. Judgy Dan and Nates stare that makes me feel like I'm fourteen again. I am currently lying on my bed, staring at the ceiling, I can't lye on my stomach due to the hip piercings along with the belly button one with my tattoos. I run my fingers down my stomach, my stomach completely caves in when I lie down, and I think that dan is starting to notice. J

_Flashback to breakfast._

_Everyone is laughing around the table after the very heated argument. I pick up my fork and go to pick up a syrup covered waffle in the middle of the table, then I stop. How many calories is in that? Let alone the syrup. Slowly, and in disgust I pill my hand back, curling my fingers. ' not hungry?' Erik asks. I shake my head, ignoring dan's curious stare, then I remember back a couple years ago to a conversation Nate and I had. When he asked or joked about how I eat so many waffles and that he was surprised I wasn't 200lbs. But I felt it._

_... _

_end of flashback_

I try to block the thoughts of dan knowing. Dad had already come and spoke to me ( I didn't write that in because I don't really know how to write Lily and Rufus) I put my headphones in and close my eyes. And maybe if I hadn't had my headphones on to loud, or if I hadn't been lying on my back, I would be able to avoid this situation.

All of the suddenly I feel a hand placed on my rib cage. Startled, I rip off the headphones and jump up on my bed. I look up to see Blair, sorrow on her face. Sorrow, I hate that emotion, it shows that you're weak, that you can't get a handle of yourself. "Why are you doing this Jenny" she asks. I look up at her.

" I don't know what you're talking about" I say as I attemp to put my headphones back into my ear but to no avail because she snaps them out of my hands. " Jenny I am trying to help you, you have to let someone in!" She retorts. I ignore her and walk to the bathroom, but she isn't having any of that so she grabs my wrist and spins me around." You can't keep doing this, it will be seriouse damage on you're body. Think about everyone who loves you, dan, Rufus, Lily, Serena, chuck, Erik.. And Nate." I stiff at his name, and she knows. " one day you might not be here anymore, and all of us will keep,thinking' i could of helped her, and if I did, maybe she would still be here" she continued.

thats when I broke down. Blair was quick to hug my crying self. " it's just been so hard, my mom died that night and I should've gone with her" I whispered into bliar's neck. After a while my crying receded. " thanks I mumble" Blair laughs a bit " hey, Us Brunettes have to stick together" which sent me laughing too.

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After my exhausting conversation with Blair I decided to go for a walk. I button up the last button of my black fur peacoat and walk into the New York night air. I shouldn't really be walking New York by myself this late at night, but honestly, at this point I don't care. But little did I know that someone was looking out for me.

After about 45 minutes of walking I realize I am in a pert where there isn't a lot of people-stupid Jenny . I walk as quietly as I can past a group of guys drinking nest to the alleyway . One spots my " hey!" I quickly turn around to walk away, but there is a guy right behind me that pushes me into the alley, then all of the guts surround me " where you goin' this late at night lil' girl?" One of them taunts. I don't answer just look down, that got him mad and he punched my in my face .hard.

'' When I ask a question you answer, got it!" He screams and I nod, holding my bruising left cheek. He smiles and grabs a fistful of my hair while another guy rips my jacket and shirt off. Literally. And a different guy does that to my skirt. Try to scram, but that leaves him punching the last side of my face again and covering my mouth. I close my eyes, crying willing this to be over. The next thing I know I hear shouting and the guys weight is lifted off of me. I open my eyes to see all of the thugs on the floor, bleeding. And Nate standing in front of me, his eyes wild. " are you okay, he asks frantically" I stop, shake my head and start crying. Damn so much crying tonight. Nate hugs me then gives me his coat,my lip it on and wrap it tightly around my a mall frame. Still crying

Nate then picks me up and bring me to his limo. " take us to the empire hotel" he says still holding me close. I am sitting in the limo next to Nate crying my eyes out, messy hair, naked, bruising, and disgusting. I look at Nate in my peripheral vision, and he looks like he wants to kill limo parks and the rest is a blur and the next thing I know Nate is handing me a towel and some clothes for a shower, I nod. " thankyou" I mumble as I walk towards the shower. " Jenny, wait" I hear Nate say as he grabs my shoulder. Big mistake. Next thing I know I'm screaming. " don't hurt me, please!" I scream. But Nate hugs me anyway, not minding that my mascara is getting all over his shirt. " shh. I won't let anyone hurt you ever again" I nod " I'm going to go take a shower now" I mumble.

I walk into the bathroom, look in the mirror, and turn the water on, when it's warm I hop in. I remember my image in the mirror. ' you are dirty and disgusting, I don't see how anyone likes you, you shouldn't like you' it taunts. Next thing I know I'm breaking Nates razor and bringing it to my hips, drawing the deep scarlet red blood. The voices have won again.

Nate pov

she was too thin, I noticed the other day, the disgust on her face when she picked up a waffle. And when I hugged her I could feel her hipbones sharp, digging into my stomach. I grab fruit out of the fridge and put some in a bowl, strawberries, she loves those so maybe she will eat them. When I'm finished I see Jenny walk out of the bathroom in the large black button down that I gave her to wear which goes down to her knees, no makeup, and her newly brunette hair wet, tasseling down her back. She looksso.. Normal. I smile and she smiles back. It's fake. "Here, eat" I demand, sliding the strawberries towards her. Her face twists " I'm no-" she starts but I'm not just going to sit and watch her hurt herself. " eat" I say in a voice that shows there is no arguing. She sighs and starts to eat them, as I smile contently. " I'm going to go to bed" she states as she stands up, and I can't help but notice the bruising on her left cheek, so I hand her an ice pack and nod. She starts to walk away but stops " thanks" she says before disappearing into chucks empty bedroom.

...4 hours later

J pov.

I roll over and look at the clock 3:15 am, Nate went to bed about an hour ago, I wanted to make sure he was asleep, so I waited. I slowly creep towards the kitchen and grab a glass filled with water. I chug it in no time, then I drink another, and finally a third. Then I tiptoe towards the bathroom and close the door, I take off the button down, leaving my in my nude underwear. Fat. I tell myself. I lean in front of the toilet and push my fingers to the back of my throat, loving the feeling of the food leaving my body, but then the door opens.

Nate pov.

I roll over, waking up for some reason I don't know yet, I look at my clock 3:30 the red light flashes, but then I hear it, coming from the bathroom. I slowly stand up and walk to the bathroom, then I yank open the door and am greeted with a sight that I will never ever be able to forget. There Jenny is, leaning over the toilet, making herself throw up, and I also notice the new cuts on her hip, along with so many scars. She looks up, eyes wide. " Nate! I can explain" she starts to squeak "

I just walk up to the toilet, flush the toilet, and hug her. It doesn't matter that we are both on the floor in the bathroom hugging. " when I told you I wouldn't let anyone else hurt you, that counts for yourself as well" I mumble into her hair as she starts to fall asleep.

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I know I haven't updated in a while, and my only excuse is doctors. I have had lots of health issues in the past couple of months, but I think we have it sorted out now, so I will be updating more again. Don't worry, I have big plans for Nate and Jenny as well as this story


	7. Brooklyn abduction

Hey guys! I promis that I will update soon, I am currently writing the seventh chapter for this story, but I have published a new story. And how frequently I update depends on how many reviews I get. But please check out my other story "Brooklyn abduction" I have worked really hard on it and I plan on updating the third chapter today. Please check it out and R&amp;R thanks


	8. leaving home again

Jenny point of view

this was the day. the day that I would get my letter back from Omsk school of fashion. it was very, very far away. it's basically all the way south of Russia. " mail!" I hear Vanya yell as he walks into the penthouse, Dan and Serena are cuddled up on the couch, and Rufus and Lily are talking in the kitchen. Dan is about to get up but I beat him too it by a longshot. I flash down the stairs faster than anyone could know. " YES YES YES" I scream as I grab the mail, holding the letter, dropping the rest of the mail on the ground. Serena giggles as dan smiles while they wait In anticipation. " wait!" I hear the unmistakable voice of Agnes as she rushes in. Dan stiffins, but Serena puts a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

"okay, now open" Agnes says, bouncing on the balls of her leather clad feet+. I rip open the envelope, not caring about the pieces of paper that's falling on the ground. I pull out the piece of paper that is folded into three. I scan over the words that are printed, and I feel joy overtake my body, cant remember the last time that I had felt this amazing. " I GOT IN!" I shout jumping up and down. I can hear Agnes's squeal next to me, and Dan and Rufus rush up to hug me. " congratulations " lily and rufus say. Dan squeezes me tighter. " you did it, jenjen, your going to college." I look over at Serena and she has a huge smile on her face, and I walk into her outstretched arms. after a moment I walk back to Agnes.

" are you sure though. I mean, it's Russia, jenny. it's cold and potentially really dangerous, plus we would never see you." Rufus says worriedly. I smile, its fake, and he probably knows it, I just wanna get out of here. " I will be fine, plus Agnes is going to be here as well. but I also have another question. I say hopefully looking towards Rufus and Lily. "shoot" she says smiling.

" I had friends back home, in Hudson, I mean. and In a week, I was wondering if I can go back to the old house and stay there for the month before I leave?" silence. thats what i'm greeted with, they both look at each other before Rufus lets out a bi sigh. "okay"

NJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJNJ

I press the '12' button on the elevator as I wait for it to bring me up to Nate &amp; chucks. I walk in to see Nate reading something on my laptop. I knew that I couldn't avoid this any longer, the others knew, except for Nate, and I leave tomorrow. he looks up from his laptop. " hey, you. what's up, I haven't heard from you since..." I hold up my hand, indicating for him to not continue. I sit down in the seat across from him. he shuts his laptop, why are you here, jenny?"

I fidget with my bracelets, why am I so nervous? " I'm leaving for Russia in a month, for college, but I'm leaving early so I can stay in Hudson and be with my friends." Nate just sits there frozen, his face shows many emotions. " when do you Leave" " tomorrow" I answer immediately. there is a moment of silence before he starts laughing. seriously. laughing.

" what!" I say annoyed. Nate stops laughing to look at me and speak.

" jenny, you can't take care of yourself, your a depresses 18 year old who is till a child, you can't go away" I look at him In shock. " how dare you judge me" I spit, standing from my chair as he does the same. " you walk around like your all high and mighty, like your better than everyone else, no one can make mistakes without you judging them! I am sick and tired of it!" I shout, he looks at me, and understanding crosses my eyes. he realizes what he has been doing. " everytime that I do something that you don't like you judge more than you would anyone else, why is that?" I ask quietly.

he looks at me before taking a step closer to me, there isn't even a foot between us. " because I really care about you, and I don't want to see you hurt" he says with love in his eyes. I realize what he's doing. my faint smile immediately drops and I grab my purse. " no! I see what your doing, and I am not going down this road with you again, because I'm always the one who gets burned In the end" I ay walking towards the elevator. "JENN-" but that's all I hear because the door closed. what the others don't know is the fact that I don't plan on coming back. this was our goodbye. this was the last goodbye of Jenny and Nate. then I let a single tear fall down my face, thinking about how simple we were when I was 14 and he was 16.

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" I love you jenny" my brother says as he gives me one last hug, along with everyone else, including an extra long one from Blair. she looks at me.

' take care of yourself" she demands. I nod. " I'm serious she threatens, I smile. before loading my luggage onto the metro, if only she knew that I didn't plan on coming back.

Nate pov

I feel the wind whip against me as I rush through grand central station, desperate to say goodbye to Jenny. But the last thing I see is her blonde hair before she lugs her large amount of luggage onto the train.

back to jenny's pov

I smile as the train picks up speed. once it does I take one of my smaller luggage to the bathroom with me. once I close the door I change into a white, sheer, loose tank top with a plunging neckline and swoopy sides, so you can see the lacy black bra I am wearing on the sides. I then put on a pair of black shorts with some sheer tights and a pair of 4' wedges. 30 minutes later I come out of the bathroom with my dark eyes and red lips. I am done pretending to be something that I'm not, just to please others. I feel a buzz in my back pocket. I look down to see a text.

_I'm sorry ~Nate_

I hesitate, then I press the red 'delete button' and turn my phone off.


	9. friends and heatwaves

**disclaimer: I do not own gossip girl or the characters. now on with the story.**

I got off the metro to see 4 people all dressed in dark clothing waiting for me at the exit of the station. there was Matt, he was 25 with dirty blonde hair and tattoos all up his arms, he looks extremely tough with his 6'2 frame. but he is extremely protective of me. there is Luke, he is 22 with black hair and shockingly dark eyes. then there are jack and Eliza. they were both 20. jack ha brown hair with brown eyes. And Eliza had pale skin with dark turquoise hair with a black ombre, she had her nose pierced along with her eyebrow, including the piercings all up her left ear. she was shockingly aggressive fro her 5' frame and Is Dating Matt. these were the friends that my mom never knew about, she would kill me for hanging out with these type of people, especially since they were so much older than me.

" Tallulah!" Matt yelled as the others rushed forward to hug me, they liked to call me by my middle name when they were really excited. " how was it?" Eliza asked. I sighed. " it was hard, honestly, but I made it out okay." I reply dazed. I was happy that I wasn't going back. but I would miss Erik, he was my best friend, but I needed to cut off all ties, it brought tears to my eyes, thinking about Dan. " lets go!" Luke shouts as he grabs me by my waist and throws me over his shoulder and runs, with Jack and Matt rolling my many suitcases. I looked incredibly short whilst thrown over the shoulder of a 6'5 man. " still don't know how you dealt with these losers the past couple of months" I screamed, getting dizzy due to Luke's running and being upside down. I can relax now. im with the people who really know me.

once we get into the car and drive to my house which is left in my name a thought comes to mind. fingering my long brown hair I start to get an idea.

" hey, can you turn left and take me to the hair salon?" I ask Eliza, she responds with a smirk. " I knew you would ask eventually, considering the fact that you died your hair brown, which im guessing that you only did to please your father." she says with a knowing look. I smile back " you know me well, and im done with hair extensions, they made my hair look awful. my hair is silkier now, and my hair is really long as it is." not even a second later I hear a groan from next to me.

" enough with all the hair talk, sometimes I feel like there are 4 girls in our group, not 2. but since we are talking about girl stuff... I noticed that that scar on your face is practically gone, let me guess, really expensive prescription?" Jack asked. I nod as I stroke a hand on my face. "I'm happy that it's gone, it's just a reminder of a really bad time." I whisper. the van is quiet. " i'm sorry Jen" Matt said as we puled up to the hair salon.

one hour later

I walked out of the hair salon smiling, this was a totally new look for me. " not expected" jack whistled. " I know right, completely detaching myself from my old life. I had dyed my hair so platinum that it was basically white, with a pastel purple ombre that fell to the small of my back in naturally massy curls.

_at jenny's house_

I rake out the familiar key and slide it into the key hole and walk into the foyer of my house, it was a very cozy house. to the right of me was a living room with brown carpeted floors. there was an exit that led into the amazing kitchen. upstairs were 5 bedrooms including the master. my friends were staying with me for the month before I leave for Russia. no one was staying in the master. Eliza and matt would share a room, Jack and Luke would have their own rooms, and I would be staying in my old bedroom.

the basement was a different story, it was HUGE. there was a wall in the middle of it, splitting the basement in two. one half was like my studio, cloth, manikins, Sewing machines and everything I need. the other half was an indoor pool, it was amazing. " wow Jen, it's weird to be back here after so long." Eliza, who was wrapped in Matt's arms replied. we all nodded in agreement, it was weird I walked up to the mirror on the wall.

my light pastel hair contrasted amazingly with my deathly pale skin and really dark makeup and clothes. this type of hair would never be allowed in the high society of UES. and here I don't wear as many layers of clothes. Jack was right, the scar was practically gone, and so were the ones on my thighs.

I smiled at my friends. " this is going to be the best month yet" I say giddily as we get settled into our rooms. Eliza smiles " I know, can't wait for movie nights and midnight pool parties" I smiled just thinking about it.

_Back in the upper east side, nobody's pov one week later_

Nate was on a train. he was going to find jenny. he was going to tell her he loved her. and hope, that maybe they can be together. truly now. without anyone else interfering, because they are much older now, they aren't silly teenagers. I remember the address that Dan gave me. he knew what I was doing, and he may not like it, but he knew that Jenny and I had something that lasted this long, and it couldn't be ignored. the taxi cab pulled up in front of her house, he had to admit it was nice. it was large but not too large and it looked very cozy. he wished that he looked nicer, New York was experiencing a massive heat wave. it was worse than the one back in 2008. I walked up to the front door and knocked, and then...

Jenny pov.

"OH MY GOD I AM GOING TO DIE" I groaned as I fanned myself, a thick layer of sweat covering all of our bodies, we were all gathered in the living room watching tv, in out underwear. it's not weird for us, were just really comfortable around each other. they were shocked to see my belly button and hip bones piercings, along with the tattoo quotes. so here I am, sitting on the couch between Eliza and Luke in my lacy dark red underwear. suddenly I feel the room getting hotter and hotter, even the pool was warm. " no, no, no no" I shout as I run to the generator, as I do so I can faintly hear Luke say 'come in, its open'. I don't care who it is, the next thing I know I am lying flat on my back.

" I give up. I am not moving from this spot, I will stay here until I die of heat stroke" I groan. I look to the side to see none other than Nate Archibald standing there, an eyebrow raised with a look of amusement on my face, but underneath all of that I can see a slight twinge of jealousy. " lets go upstairs where we can talk" I groan as I old out a hand for him to help me up, which he gratefully does. we walk up the stairs, I can feel the intense stares of my friends, burning holes into the back of my head.

as we enter my room it's silent for a minute, then I hear the front door shut, they must of gone out, knowing that we would need our privacy. " what do you want Nate?" I sigh. he looks at me. " im sorry Jenny, I know that I have played with your emotions way to much, and you always get the end of the short stick, but I really want you to know how sorry I am" I scoff in response. " and you haven't contacted any of us since you left, were you planning to at all, and clearly you have changed. again. and piercings and tattoos?" I sigh, I should give him an explanation.

" no Nate, I wasn't planning on contacting any of you guys, I knew the risk of blair killing me, in which I bet she's annoyed right now. but I wanted to leave everything behind, start fresh." I take a deep breath, it feels nice to start telling people things. I can feel Nate eyeing me up and down.

" jenny, please put some clothes on" Nate refuses to look at me, his eyes darting across the room. I cross my arms. " why this is my house, I am way too damn hot to put on clothes." next thing I know he's kissing me, I pull away and slap him as hard as I can, which is pretty hard. I look at him for a second before walking up to him and kissing him passionately. he lowers me onto the bed, and it was just pure bliss from there.

three hours later I wake up with Nate's arm wrapped around me. I turn around to see Nate staring at me. " make a habit of staring at girls while they sleep do you?" I say, he just smiles, oh that smile." nope, only you" he whispers as he kisses me, and I let him. good thing I wasn't wearing any makeup today due to the heat.

" how long are you staying?" I ask, not quite sure what I want the outcome to be. " I was thinking that I was gonna get a hotel for the last three weeks that you are here, if your okay with that" Nate rambles, I smile " it's fine, and you don't need a hotel, you can stay here'' he looks at me for a second " thank you. I want you to know that I will truly never hurt you again, will you go on a date with me Jennifer Tallulah Humphrey" he says, and I couldn't help but smile. " of course I would " I say and kiss him once more, this feels right.

I might have not avoided my past, because now that I am involved with Nate, i'm involved with everyone else again as well. But I don't care, I know they would approve. even Dan, he was the only one who knew my address, so he knew Nate was here. I was falling for Nate Archibald all over again, but this time he as falling for me as well. and I couldn't be more happier.

" what are those?" Nate said pointing to the pile of CD's on my desk, I smile " those are discs to learn Russian, without it there is no way I will survive a week there" we both laugh at that. " I hope college is everything that you imagine" Nate encourages, and I just respond with a big smile, the first one that has felt real in years, all thanks to Nate Archibald, he is my light.

**so they finally got together, there are a lot of transitions coming up, so please bare with me, but I am going on vacation so I wont be able to update next week, but I can the week after that. so please R&amp;R, **


	10. Russia and Doctors

to say that the guys teased me was an understatement. when they got back to the house and saw us sleeping next to eachother, they knew what we did. Nate was amazed to see how my other life was like, how it would have been if didn't go to the upper east side. we went camping for a weekend, went to music festivals and much more. overall it was a great experience, the past 4 weeks have been amazing, the others thought that Nate was in the Hamptons, and I have been ignoring their texts...Nate doesn't know that.

but all good things must come to an end, an it ended with a fight. jack, luke, matt and Eliza had already said their goodbyes, so it was just Nate and I, as we finished packing my bag. " i'm going to miss you" I mumbled into his chest as I pull out of his embrace. he nods.

"yeah, and I mean; who knows what you'll get up to in Russia." he says with a slight chuckle, my eyebrows furrow as he does so. " what do you mean" I ask defensively, and he looks at me like i'm crazy. " jenny, I know you don't mean for it to happen, but trouble follows you wherever you go" I look at him with bewilderment.

" no it doesn't! look at how I have been these past couple of months. I have been fine!" I didn't know that I would leave like this. " are you serious!? you have delinquent friends, your moving in with AGNES, you got 2 piercings, three tattoos and you aren't even responsible enough to eat!" he spits. i can feel tears build up in my eyes. Nate has just realized what he had just said, regret filling his face. he walks towards me "god... jen-" i flinch back " don't"

i turn around, pick up my bags and leave. i was fool for thinking it would be different this time. its weird to think about it, I spent all of my energy trying to stay in Manhattan, yet now I'm running away to Russia.

after the extremely long flight to Omsk I walk through the airport, then spot Agnes. I had called her and told her what happened before I got onto the plane. I walk over to her, my heeled boots clackling, the minute I walk over to her she hugs me. " shh, it'll be okay jen'' I nod as we take our bags and walk to her silver BMW convertible, we put my bags in her trunk and sit in the racecar seats.

" man, I am in love with this car" I say stroking the armrest. Agnes laughs. " yeah, this is my baby" _baby_ that word. then something hits me. I was supposed to get my period a week ago. but that's probably from all of the stress of moving and Nate. yeah that's it.

one month later

I sprint out of my bed, tripping over the fabric rolls on my floor. once I make it to he bathroom I empty the contents of my stomach in the toilet. once I stand up I flush the toilet and brush my teeth and look into the mirror and lift up my shirt. I look at my stomach and do a double take, there is a bump. it cant be, even if I was pregnant I wouldn't be far enough along for me to start showing. I walk out of the bathroom to see Agnes nursing a cup of coffee at the island. " get dressed. I scheduled an ultrasound for you in half an hour." she says as she gives me a knowing look

" I don't need an ultra sound, because im not regnant." I say stubbornly. yet here I am, sitting in the waiting room of a hospital. " Jennifer Humphrey" a woman with a thick accent says. Agnes and I stand up and follow the lady to a rom, we walked in to see a young red head smiling.

" hi i'm Viktoria and I will be your doctor, can you lye down and lift your shirt please. I lye down on the table and follow her instructions. " so Jennifer" I interrupt her " jenny will be fine, thanks" I say politely she nods. " so jenny, when was your last period?" she asks " about five weeks ago" I respond honestly Viktoria nods " so you are about 7-8 weeks pregnant." I let that sink in. Agnes Is sitting quietly in the chair, giving me the moral support that I need.

" so if I'm only 2 months pregnant, why am I already showing?" I ask curiously. " well it could be , many reasons, mostly because of your tiny frame. have you had any problems health wise before?" she asks. I can feel Agnes squeeze my hand. " well for the past couple of years I have struggled with an eating disorder. " Viktoria writes that down.

" okay, this will be a bit cold." she says as she squeezes a gel liquid on my stomach and puts the probe thing on top and swirls the gel around as she looks at the screen. soon the room is filled with many thump noises, but they sounded off. I look over to the doctor to see her eyes widen a little. the she turns the screen towards Agnes and I. it appears that you will be having quadruplets. I am stunned silent " shit" I hear from Agnes. so the doctor continues.

" this is why you are showing so early, this will be a very difficult pregnancy, especially so due to your tiny frame. baby A an C are identical and baby B and D are fraternal. the rest was a blur. I remember grabbing the ultrasound photo, receiving a text from Dan that I wouldn't answer, and climbing into bed. I could faintly hear Agnes on the phone in the kitchen.

back in NYC no one pov

we were all in central park. chuck and blair holding hands, as were Serena and Dan and Nate was walking beside them.  
" how long is Jenny going to ignore us" Dan went on. jenny hasn't contacted us at all since she left, and it was really worrying them " HEY'' a man that had tattoos all over his arms, towering over 6 feet. we all shifted back a bit, and a flash of recognition crossed Nate's face. Matt. next thing we know he is on the ground after meeting Matt's fist. Nate tried to defend himself but Matt overpowered him. he received 3 more punches and a kick. then Matt picked him up by the collar  
" what was that for!" Blair shouted, but Matt didn't take his eyes off of him. " what did I tell you! if you hurt her I ruin you!" Matt shouted. Nate knew this was coming " what's going on" Dan yelled. Matt was still staring into Nate's eyes as he held his collar. " Jenny's pregnant"


	11. Nightly morning sickness

everybody was silent, snow started to fall as the five of them just stood, staring at each other. Nate was stunned silent, no no no no, this couldn't be happening. I regret all of the things that I said 10 weeks ago, this one was my fault, Nate thought. " what do you mean pregnant" Dan stuttered as he stepped forward. Matt looked at him, knowing that the young man with the dark brown hair was Jenny's brother.

" Pregnant, as in she had sex with Nate and she is now going to be a mother. she found out a month ago" matt said, all while looking at Nate. " you son of a bitch." Serena said in a dark voice, Dan was too stunned to speak, and blair launched at Nate but was held back by Serena. but no one was able to stop chuck, jenny was his little sister, blood or not. Chuck landed a punch square in his jaw, right where Matt had punched him. And Dan couldn't move, he just kept picturing his little sister, alone in Russia and pregnant, then he finally spoke up.

"When Jenny was younger the doctors told her that it was dangerous for her to have kids because she is so tiny" Dan was worried about jenny, he could be mad at Nate later. " and especially with the eating thing" Dan mumbled without thinking as an after thought. Everyone looked at him in wonder." Eating problems? " Serena asked as she looked up at Dan and he sighed. " jenny's been suffering for a long time and we haven't noticed. She's had eating disorders, self harm problems, and... s-s-she tried to kill herself a couple of times." Dan barely got out. Everyone gasped, tears in their eyes and Matt took that as his que to leave, he did what he came here for.

" I just booked 5 plane tickets to omsk for this afternoon. Pack warm" was all church know said before him and blair went to his limo and drove away. So that just left Dan and serena... and nate,whom was still processing the news. " come on" Serena said dragging dan, leaving nate alone.

* * *

20 hours later jenny pov

I wrapped my burgundy pecoat around me tighter, my hair up in a messy bun, face makeup free except for some mascara, as I walked through the cobble stoned sidewalks to the diner that both Agnes and I like. " jeez jenny, it's 3am and literally -8 degrees out right now, you know I love ya girl, but these pregnancy cravings will end up killing both of us." Agnes laughed. As did i. " hey I get it worse, I'm only 3 months along, yet I look like I'm 5 months along, I'm huge" I complain she giggles " yeah, by the time may rolls around you will just start wearing the few shirts you stole of Dan's." I nod in agreement as we sit in a booth, then a waitress comes. " Что я могу получить для вас две дамы тиа утром?" She asks, taking our order. I tell her our usual hot chocolates with cinnamon in fluent russian. She nods and walk away. " I still don't know how you learned Russian that fast" says Agnes as I take off my coat to reveal my baggy dark blue v-neck. Even in the baggy shirt you can very clearly see my protruding bump. Even though I'm only barely 3 months pregnant I look further along because there are 4 babies. Curse nate and his super sperm.

After finishing his drinks we stand up to leave.

Dan's point of view

After checking into the hotel everyone decided to go to bed but I was hungry. I am walking down the sidewalks, taking everything in. My younger sister is pregnant, she's turning 18 in a month, she can't be a mother at such a young age. I pull my worn brown jacket around my body and walk up to a diner, it's pretty much empty except for the few couples of people in booths. As I open the door I run smack into a small brunette who was turned around telling someone to hurry up. " oops I'm so-" I started then realized who it was, agnes. I didn't like the girl, she got jenny in all sorts of trouble, but if Agnes was here...then so was jenny.

"Where is she" I demanded, knowing very well that she was in the diner, but the minute I said that the petite brunette jutted out her hip and put her hand across the door. " I have no idea what you're talking about" She said as she crooked her neck, knowing her efforts were fruitless. I looked at her with my eyebrows raised and I could see Agnes's smirk falter a bit, just enough for someone to be looking to tell. " if she's not in there then why don't you let me in the public diner?" I said while putting emphasis on the " public" as a crooked my neck to the side just as hers once was. In the middle of an intense staring competition a small sing song voice that I once grew up with interrupted us.

" Agnes, what are yo-" then I see her, by looking at her face you couldn't tell she was pregnant, her already bony structure seemed more prominent. Her cheeks were hollowed out and her legs were very skinny, she had a black pecoat buttoned up, and you could see a bump, I'm not sure how big, but it was there which confused me because she's not that far along. " jenny's come here, we need to talk" I say, my voice hard and stern. Her eyes are wide with surprise. " h-howd you figure out" She stuttered, her voice so small unlike it once was years ago. " your friends paid us a visit in New York and told us everything" I replied, voice still stern. She looks down, her hair curtaining her face. "who's all here" She asked, her head still not rising. "everyone, even nate "

my eyes softened, liking at her so frightened after once being one of the most feared girls in new York. " jenny's, please come with us back to the hotel, you know that you can't avoid us forever" I say in my soft, loving, big brother voice. Then Agnes speaks again. " No way in he'll is she going with you, I've been the one holding her hair back as she pukes every God damn second because she can't hold a single thing down. I'm the one that comforts her at midnight when she's bawling her eyes out wondering how her life got so screwed up and why she isn't loved anymore! So don't come waltzing back in her life THINKING SHE'LL JUST FORGIVE YOU AND THINK EVERYTHING IS RAINBOWS AND BUTTERFLIES AGAIN!" She screamed, her voice getting louder and louder by the second, and jenny put a reassuring hand on her seething friends shoulder.

" he's right" my sister mumbled, and Agnes turned around to look at her, eyes softened. "Are you sure that you want to go with him, all the drama will enter your life again" and for a moment, I understood where she was coming from, but I shook that off because I am jenny's brother. " he's my family, and regardless of how passed I am, Nate is their father. You go back to the apartment, I have to talk to them"

* * *

Ten minutes later jenny and I were walking in silence down the pathway. She was wearing a pear of grey uggs and yoga pants, then her pecoat. She looked completely different, like she would've if she didn't grow up I new York. I kept reeling things through the my mind during the awkward silence. What did Agnes mean by jenny " barely keeping anything down" and especially when jenny said " their father " I guess we'll figure it out later, that's when I notice the lack of jenny's presence beside me. I look back and she's standing about 5 feet from me, her hand on her stomach and I immediately ran over, knowing what was about to happen. The minute I reached her she bent over and threw up all over the snow, I was holding her long hair back and rubbing circles on her back.

"Why do they call in morning sickness when it hits you every damn moment of the day?" She panted, still bent over. I just shrugged and she stood up, grabbing a mint from the diner and put it in her mouth. Then she turned around and looked at me. " thanks" her comment startled me. " I'm your brother, I'm always going to be there for you, I know that I never was, but that stops now" I say as I wrapped my arms around her and pulling her close. After a couple of moments I realize. " jeez jenny you're freezing!" I quickly take off my scarf and beanie, putting them on her, despite her we end up at the grand hotel and walk towards the elevator and I press the 18 button. The top penthouse, it takes up the entire floor and has 7 bedrooms and 4 baths. " go big or go home, right" jenny chuckles. I just nod, knowing in a few seconds everything will get very dramatic.

Once the elevator stops we come out and I hear a voice which makes jenny go stiff. " hey Dan, what took you so long we were getting worr-" then the small brunette stopped in her tracks, her three friends following close behind, wide eyed. " well I found someone at the diner" I said, gesturing to my sister.

" jenny"

* * *

I know I suck, feel free to yell at me all you want, but I'm back to regular updating. So please R&amp;R then I'll start typing the next chapter


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